MY SISTER WON THE $1000 FIRST PRIZE IN A SHORT STORY CONTEST!!!!

Answer: Girl's Cards Night

Question: What involves batteries used as poker chips, uncontrollable giggling upon hearing the name "Egyptian Rat Screw," shrieking and clawing for spoons, and me asking if we can play "Texas Hold 'Em Up?" Yeah, okay.

I love playing cards but I'm terrible at it. I lost all my batteries in one game of poker because I didn't want to fold and feel left out, and then I had to sit out for the next five games until they took pity on me and re-divied up the pot. I'm also terrible at Spoons, but it's my favorite card game. I remember New Year's Eve '02/'03, when whoever lost enough times to spell out S-P-O-O-N was supposed to take a shot of tequila, but because I don't drink I just had to do very embarrassing dances in front of my sister and like five semi-cute college guys. After an hour everyone was completely sober and I had graced the crowd with the electric slide, the worm, and one more that I can't remember. Yes, I did the worm in front of my crush. Yes, there are pictures. No, you can't see them.

On girl's cards night, I also was the first to spell out SPOON, but I just had to do the eighth-grade-level dare of running down and up the stairs without my shirt in the middle of the night. I am not a sore loser. I accept my slow reflexes with grace.

In other news, Athens is still dirty and grey, the men still sleazy and the women eurotrashy, and I'm ready to go home to my kitty and my Burcu. On Friday, we're taking a three-day trip to Thessaloniki, and a week later I'll be en route to Chicago, and then to California. If anyone has any job offers, hook me up. Otherwise, it'll be a summer spent at another temp job, staring at a computer, which I really won't mind that much, since it's what I'd be doing at home anyway for free.

I've been in one of those agonizing states of limbo with this weblog, in that I've been wanting to write, have been composing entries in my head, but as time passes the desired content grows and grows to overwhelming proportions and then I just end up writing about another time I tripped.

Anyway, just to keep my fingers moving, here's a summary of the past week. I may expand on certain events later.

Okay, so: me and my pals Quinn and Carolyn took the overnight ferry to Hania, went to the beach in Platanias, hiked the Samarian Gorge, swam in the Libyan Sea at Agia Roumeli, wandered around Hania and the old Venetian harbor, went to Plakias and stayed at a cultish youth hostel, hiked/rock-climbed/almost-died for two hours upstream through a river FOR FUN, wandered around Rethymno and camped under the stars, went to Iraklio and saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (great movie), went to Knossos and saw a 4,000-year-old palace, went to the Iraklion Archaeological Museum and saw various 4,000-year-old artifacts, tore through The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay in two days (great book. My sis in particular would love it), and rode another overnight ferry back.

Now I'm about three shades darker, my feet are crying, my knees are bruised and scratched, my back feels like a thick knotted rope, and my arms are sore from hugging myself whenever I think of Joel or Clementine or Joe or Sammy. The best spring break of my life.

For when I go back to Crete: Elafonissi (gorgeous beach), the Diktean Cave (where Zeus was born), Spinalonga (the last leper colony in Europe), Balos, the Lasithi Plateau, Phaistos, Matala, Vai, and...and...and...

There's a weird old American guy with neon suspenders who's always in the internet cafe. Today he was asking the guy at the desk, "Is it okay to say, 'gender ambiguous'?" over and over again, and the front desk guy kept saying, "Like I would know." Finally, I got annoyed and said, "YES YOU CAN SAY THAT." Bad move. Weird old American guy looks at me and says, "Are you American? But...but...you're not fat!! You look European! Where are you from? Are those cashews? Can I have one or two?" Brother better stay away from my cashews!

I'm going to Crete tomorrow!!

So, the paper is past the minimum word count, all double-spaced and page-numbered, titled, with my name and the date in the upper lefthand corner, and it sucks. In order to put off making the decision of whether to continue working on it or turn in six pages of stream-of-consciousness blarg, I've been surfing my old haunts, namely celebrity-gossip newsgroups. Sadly, I came across this:

Britney Spears has been romantically linked to a new man - who has a seven- months pregnant girlfriend. The 22-year-old singer - who hit headlines last year when reports emerged she was dating her married back-up dancer and father-to-be Columbus Short - has now been linked to dancer Kevin Federline, 22, who has a two-year-old daughter and a son on the way with former Moesha star Shar Jackson.

First of all: Britney, Britney, Britney! Girlfriend, we better hurry up and become best friends so I can save you and turn you into a proto-me, because this whole getting-with-guys-with-pregnant-SO's thing is really starting to make me doubt that you're truly a misunderstood genius who just needs a some love. Tell me it's just a phase, and all will be forgiven. Britney, can you hear me?

Second, and saddest of all: I actually had an argument with a friend here about this very item!. She claimed she had recently read that Britney was now with another backup dancer with a pregnant girlfriend.

No, I countered. That was months ago. His name was Columbus Short. He and his wife are now getting divorced.

No, she replied. She's dating one NOW.

So she's dated TWO black backup dancers with pregnant significant others and caused them BOTH to break up? I asked, smirking inwardly, thinking she was just being ornery, because I am and have always been the celebrity gossip queen, especially when it comes to Britney.

YES!!!! she said.

Okay, whatever, I thought, losing a little respect for this friend, who I thought just wanted to be right no matter what, even on the stupidest of issues.

But I was wrong. And I judged her wrongly. So not only am I not the celebrity gossip queen anymore, I'm a bitch. And I'm embarrassed! Over something so stupid!

I want to disinfect my brain, my conscience, my karma.

All The Good Things and the Bad Things That May Be

I'm back and writing a paper on how the presentation of the museum at Olympia reflects its opinion of itself, or something. There's also a lot in there about headless mass-produced statues. Yeah, it's not the greatest paper I've ever written. Shut up.

But expect frequent updates with amusing little anecdotes! Like how on Athens Radio DJ, which is the soundtrack to the life of the internet cafe, they're playing "Let's Talk About Sex" by Salt 'n Pepa!!!!!! I haven't heard this song played on the radio since third-grade school-bus rides!